ignorance

i just got a haircut this morning at biba... the hair dressers there are all students so it was sone for the low, low price of $25.. =D anyway.. here is the..

Before:

ok probably cant see it there but it's pretty long.. hehe..

and heres the after:

it's so short that it's IMPOSSIBLE to tie my hair... just wait until u see it... this took ages to do..

My 'hairdresser' was quite hesitant and then i became worried about how it would look. every 2 seconds the teachers would be there and watched over what she was doing. EVERYONE was commenting on how much of a change i was getting but all the same commented on how good it would look... i can't believe how short it is now... i still love it though

Misery Business

There isn't much to write about. I'm at the start of my 2 hour break before my next class. I'm so tempted to leave this minute but firgure it's important that i stay where i am. My friends have either gone home or in their classes so i'm basically all alone. I really hate it when that happens. I've been sitting here for a while listening to my music and playing bejeweled but thought it mayb a little productive to blog. I don't have my other subject books on me to do any work.

Last week i got my licence!! haha but as much as happiness riddles me for getting it on my fisrt go.. it doesn't go to any use at all because i have no car to give it some worth.. lol I'm trying to decide whether i should look for a new car or wait out the 5 or 6 months before my sister leaves so i can buy hers. I've been thinking about what i would buy but still really cant decide what i would get. =D I can't wait until i'm actually able to drive by myself on the open road. That feeling will be delayed for quite a while..

I have been thinking alot about my grandma. Everything is starting to become real that shes moving back. All the paperwork has been semi done and we have the costs for her flight back home and may i say ouch!. But i'm so elated that she'll be back HOME soon enough.

I have been reading the twilight books one after the other.. loving it right now!! i'm onto the last book and all i can say so far is sweetness from the ending of eclipse and the start of breaking dawn. The most sweetest and cutest things have happened in the book i only wish that it could come true for me.. hahaha lame i know... but that is what i call true love...

When it rains

I feel in love with this song the moment i heard it. enough said.. =D

One Time

I found this song a couple weeks ago and never really took notice of the name that sung it. and realised it was a 15 year old boy.. was shocked.

Human

This has been one of my favourite songs for a while now and always seems to make me feel better. They lyrics are just beautiful.

Human - Jon McLaughlin

Can you tell me how we got in this situation,
I can’t seem to get you off my mind,
all these ups and downs,
they trip up our good intentions,
nobody said this was easy ride.

After all we’re only human,
always fighting what we’re feeling,
hurt instead of healing,
after all we’re only human,
is there any other reason why we stay instead of leavin’ after all

Can we get back to the point of this conversation,
when we saw things through each others eyes,
cause now all I see is ruin and devastation,
we all need some place we can hide inside and

After all we’re only human,
always fighting what we’re feeling,
hurt instead of healing,
after all we’re only human,
is there any other reason why we stay instead of leavin’

I’m smart enough to know,
that life goes by,
and it leaves a trail of broken hearts behind,
if you feel I’m letting go,just give me time,
I’ll come running to your side,

Can you tell me how we got in this situation,
I can’t seem to get you off my mind cause

After all we’re only human,
always fighting what we’re feeling,
hurt instead of healing,
after all we’re only human,
is there any other reason why we stay instead of leavin’

After all we’re only human,
always fighting what we’re feeling,
hurt instead of healing,

After all we’re only human,
is there any other reason why we stay instead of leavin’ after all
Any other reasonto stay instead of leavin’after all, yeah

Sydicate

Lately i've felt not quite myself like somehow i was a little empty? in some way or another... it would be just the drama going on. But for the first time in a long time i actually feel complete and very happy. For the past month there have been struggles, unfortunate events and nothing but bad news.

I've been reporting about the condition about my grandma. Well as soon as we find here a place here for her to stay and get taken care of she'll be sent back to Melbourne. This has been the best information that we've received to date. They also operated on her last week and shes all good. Everything will be sorted very soon and she'll be able to live the happy life and be treated right the way she deserves. I truly believe that she fears my other relatives because of what they've done. I can't wait until everything is sorted and i'll be able to see her again. hopfully this will be the last time i'll have to blog about this situations.

I've gotten into the twilight saga.. i know very its late. i wasn't so interested in it when they first released the first book and i was meaning to read it all before i watched the movie but to tell you the truth it bored me to pieces. I finally watched the move and had the sudden urge to read it. Since then i haven't stopped.. I quickly moved through new moon and now i'm on to eclipse. I see why there is an Edward Cullen obsession. I think girls are looking for that expectation when they find someone. not the vampire part of it of course but by the sweetness of his actions their just so romantic. heart skippingly sweet =D.

I have my driving test tomorrow as much as i should be nervous i'm not. I'm actually quite excited over it and theres a calmming affect happening at the moment. I'm trying to visualise what will happen and the roads but when i think about it... it just blank. My family are quite questionable about whether i'll even get it. I was talking to my instructor the other day and he has confidence in me and just told me not to do anything stupid. hahaha like i could..

Anyway.. i think it's about time i start reading eclipse.. it the only way to keep me calm and smiling.

Falling Over Me

So much complicated and frustrating things have been going one and i think for the past week and a half i've been fuming and quite i guess depressed with whats been going on. It's had to be here not knowing whats going on. yesterday i was at my breaking point when the parentals came back. I can really see the "enemy" in all this. It's so horrible to think that my eldest uncle the one that was meant to take care of here really wanted her 'departure' like this... so unnatural and the most un-peaceful thing ever. Trying to move her to a facility here will be the hardest thing right now mainly because we need the permission from 'them' and now power will play a huge factor to what will happen next. She's scared of her own son because she has no idea what they could do next. She'll be much safer in here in Melbourne.

I asked myself how could someone do that to their own family? How can they let go so easily?
I have one thing to say to that whole family that gave the doctors permission... I hope you know what you've put yourself in. A life time of alienation from our family and complete exclusion. I hope you can see you won't be forgiven for what you've done. The way you tried to avoid the whole situation was a very cowardly thing to do. This is my goodbye to you forever. You've made it just as easier for me to let go. You don't deserve my respect.

Accounting Info Systems

i'm in my lecture atm.. i know i shouldn't be on here.. but felt to the need to.. this will be quick
praise the lord. The tube is not being taking out for now.. there has been a huge betrayal between family members.. a whole group have banded together against a couple.. full explainatons will be given in person.. promises... i have been told to always prepared for the worst.. ok gotta go

Believe

Once again things are starting to get confusing and frustrating on my part. So many things have changed especially the minds taking care of my grandma. At the moment petitions are going around from family to family to appeal the removal of the NG tube. We all believe that she should go of natual means not of starving. However, the plot thickens once again.. A relative of mine authorised the removal and at the moment everyone is i guess in some way 'out to get him'. Lets just hope out appeal works and she'll be left alone for a while now. But if it doesn't work i hope my relative is ready and man enough to tell her what he's done. I was so angry at the start of the week and now i'm just furious. i would never do that to a familu member..

I have found that driving is the only thing that can keep this stuff off my mind. However, it won't quite work that way for a while. I was driving before for some practice and i felt so free and i guess it took everything off my mind. I guess it'll be my other escape once i get my licence in 2 weeks.. well if i get it anyway. I'm feeling quite ready for it and am excited to go for the test as odd as it seems. i feel as though i need to do something or go out to keep it off my mind. When i'm at home it's a constant reminder of the situation and puts me in a spot to just be silent.

Why does drama always have to follow me around?

can't stop the world

One second somethings decided the next things change. It seems the decision has been delayed, reviewed and discussed at a family meeting. There is a possibility that their minds will not be changed which would cause a very unfortunate and devastaing event.. Enough of this depressing side of me...

To lighten up my day a little Joanne and myself took a little venture for a cupcakes. First going to Degraves st right which is kind of like VU's front door step but found that place to be a little crowded we moved over to the Cupcake bakery on collins.. We took some time out to enjoy and savour our choc mint and red velvet cupcakes. here are a couple photos...

The Choc Mint...

The Red Velvet

I have had a huge craving for desserts... I'm seeing all these dessert places and always wanting to go.. I was walking along collins st and i walked past the Lindt Cafe. It looks so bright and quite up scale and looking at the menu it've very up scale prices but it's still so appealing. I've heard nothing but good reviews... I really want to try it.

Anyway.. should be getting to some reading and online tests.. but please keep praying

Quiet in my town - Civil Twilight

Today I heard that someone left this earth
That someone disappeared left no mark here
Today I heard that someone just got up and left himself
Lying on the ground

Today is
Today is
Today is quiet in my town
Today is
Today is
Today is quiet in my town

Today two boys disappeared without noise
and I wish that I was them flying somewhere overhead
And tonight in silence, two lovers hate and find
One is bored
One is angry
but neither one of them is right, oh

Today is
Today is
Today is quiet in my town
Today is
Oh, Today is
Today is quiet in my town

Oh, somebody say something
Somebody say something
Somebody say something to me
Oh, somebody say something
Somebody say something
Somebody say something cause I can't take this silence anymore
Anymore

Today is
Today is
Today is quiet in my town
Today is
Today is too quiet in my town

split second

It's amazing how things change in a split second. One day i was talking about how there was the slightest bit of improvement to my grandma's condition just by being able to go outside. But the next day you're being told horrific news. my family have known since friday however i only found out tonight. A 3rd party has decided to go completely against what i have been praying for months. They've decided to take out her feeding tube and apparently we have no time to argue or to fight for our right of decision as her family. It seems that it'll be coming out tomorrow and thet only informed us on friday. of course theres no time to appeal for our rights because hey never gave it to us in the first place. This has become like a circle. I wish it didn't have to be this way.. anyway i think this is going legal...

Got Dynamite..

ok just to let you know.. the title's of my blogs are from the songs i'm listening to while i'm writing.. =D anyway..

I found out that the doctors are getting my grandma to actually sit for a couple hours a day. I think she was starting to get bored and sick of being in bed 24/7. They've even been putting her into a wheel chair so she's been able to go outside and is in a slightly higher spirts than what i have been seeing her with. I think being in a bed and inside for the past 2 months has made her quite miserable. I know i would be anyway. I was feeling quite happy when i heard that news.. hopfully i'll get to see her soon.

Anyway i better get to work.. management draft.. how joyful! =D

Trainwreck

I have seen how slack i have been. The semester has started and an essay plan has been given to us which is due on monday. I have started the plan but have no idea where to go from there and i have also neglected looking for journals. Once i start the words come to me and then escape from my brain. lets just hope i can get some work done soon. I also find it incredibly difficult to understand my accounting info systems questions, my tute is tomorrow and have no idea what their on about but will seek some help on these questions. There is also so much reading to be done this weekend. I feel so behind and its only week 2.

An update on my grandma... She's still in her stable condition and we're still unable to find her a nursing home that will take her. Most facilities are quite hesitant on taking her on because of the feeding tube. As time goes on i feel horrible for not being able to see her. I would love to make the trip over there to send her my love and pray for her i have some many committments here. Many people (mainly the doctors) think she's unable to understand and comprehend what we say or even whats going on. But we're able to see that she understands everything we do. I really miss her so much. I just want to be at her bed side to hold her hand.

I just want to ask everyone to keep praying for her please...